


Many Giddy Offences

by sister_wolf



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-11
Updated: 2005-11-11
Packaged: 2017-10-12 05:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/121397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sister_wolf/pseuds/sister_wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Uh, Bart?" Gar asked, staring.  "What the hell are you <em>wearing?</em>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Many Giddy Offences

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://v-voltaire.livejournal.com/profile)[**v_voltaire**](http://v-voltaire.livejournal.com/), who requested a humor fic with the TT boys, non-sexy cross-dressing, and the prompt "purple."

Balancing a bowl of microwave popcorn, a bag of Doritos, and a 2-liter of Coke, Gar navigated his way to the couch in front of the big TV in the rec room. It was time for a new episode of The Tribe, and he was in luck today-- no one was hogging the remote. Gar arranged his junk food on the coffee table, snagged the remote and settled back on the couch with a sigh of happiness.

"Hey, Gar," Bart said cheerfully from somewhere behind him. Gar waved a hand absently, already absorbed in badly-written post-apocalyptic teen melodrama. Bart zipped around the couch and appeared in Gar's peripheral vision, vibrating annoyingly.

"What's up-- Uh, Bart?" Gar asked, staring. "What the hell are you _wearing?_ "

"Nifty, huh?" Spreading his arms to show off his outfit, Bart twirled in place. His mini-skirt fluttered a little in the resulting breeze.

"And again I repeat, the hell?" Gar was pretty sure the Teen Titans didn't have any missions coming up that involved cross-dressing (for justice). Tim seemed to suggest those a lot less often than Dick had, for some reason. Probably didn't have the legs for it.

"We're dressing up as the Teen Titans for Halloween." Bart beamed at him, waving a hand at his outfit (sleeveless top, mini-skirt, and tights, all purple) as if that explained everything.

"I hate to disappoint you, kid, but I can't think of any Teen Titan who wore that costume." Gar squinted at Bart dubiously. "Are those thigh-highs?"

Bart blurred into motion, reappearing wearing a long red wig. "Ta da! Instant Starfire."

Gar snickered. "Trust me, kid-- Kory's costume has _never_ covered that much skin."

"Dude, it's from a TV show for kids. They can't get away with showing off Kory's... y'know." Bart's hands traced a curvy outline in the air.

"Wait, they're making a TV show about us? Why didn't I know that? Do we get script control? Who's playing me? I need to talk to my agent. Now where the hell did I put my phone," Gar muttered, patting his pockets.

"It's on the kitchen counter, where you always leave it," Vic said, sprawling onto the couch next to Gar. The springs groaned under his weight.

"Oh, right." Gar smiled at him, trying not to look too mushy. Had to keep up appearances, even though he was pretty sure the kids had already figured out what was going on between the two of them.

"Wait here! I'll go get the others." Bart disappeared.

Glancing warily at the open archways that led into the rec room, Vic leaned in and stole a quick kiss. "So, do I even wanna know what's going on here?"

"They're dressing up as the Teen Titans for Halloween. Sort of. Hey, did _you_ know there's a TV show about us?"

Before Vic could respond, Bart blurred back into the room carrying Mia, who was wearing a purple and black jumpsuit and a green wig. Gar groaned. Vic laughed.

"Oh, um, hi, Beast Boy." Mia smiled at him nervously, fiddling with her pointy green ears. "Bart grabbed me before I could put on the face paint. I, um. I hope you don't mind."

"Nah, it's cool," Gar said, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Mia had only just started to feel like she fit in with the rest of the kids, and he really didn't want to undo any of the work it had taken to get her to that point. "So are you _all_ cross-dressing?"

"Yep! We thought it'd be more interesting than just, y'know. Kon dressing up as Cyborg and stuff. Way too obvious. Cassie actually makes a really cool Cyborg. Hey, do I have these things on wrong?" Bart asked, tugging at the tops of his thigh-highs. "They seem kind of... I don't know. Too tight or something."

"Come here, Bart, and I'll fix them. Man, talk about skills _I_ never expected to need again," Mia said, tugging them down so that an inch or so of slightly fuzzy thigh showed at the top of Bart's legs.

"So what I want to know is, who got stuck wearing Raven's skirt?" Vic asked. "Y'know, the one with the slits on the side that go halfway up to her ti--"

Out of the corner of his eye, Gar glimpsed Raven gliding soundlessly into the room. He shook his head as subtly as he could, widening his eyes and making the universal 'Dude, you're about to make an idiot out of yourself' face.

"--her armpits," Vic continued with hardly a pause. "Hello, Raven," he said, turning to smile pleasantly at her. His smile froze as he saw who was actually wearing the blue hooded cloak.

Tim crossed his arms under the cloak, the deep V of the hood shading his eyes almost as effectively as a mask. "Not a word, Gar. Not. A. Word."

"Right!" Gar smiled innocently and zipped his lips, throwing away an imaginary key.

"So," Vic asked, "Does that mean that Raven's dressed up as Robin, or Kid Flash?"

"Robin," Tim said, looking impassive. Gar tried not to obviously wince. At least they hadn't chosen one of the two blondes for _that_ particular costume.

"For some weird reason there's no Kid Flash," Bart said, zipping over to them, his thigh-high crisis apparently solved. "No Wonder Girl, either, so Kon had to go find a costume somewhere else. He said something about going to a shop on Castro Street."

Vic choked. Snickering, Gar pounded him helpfully on the back.

"Um, really," Gar said, trying to keep a straight-- heh-- face. "I wonder what kind of costume he thought he was going to pick up there? 'Cause, I mean, you've already _got_ a Starfire."

Vic started laughing harder, so Gar whacked him across the back of the head. "Hey!" Vic protested, looking wounded.

"Hi, guys. So, I kind of had to improvise." Kon's voice came from the archway on the other side of the room. Gar glanced casually over, then froze, his mouth dropping open, as Kon walked into the room gingerly, obviously not used to walking in heels. "I mean, I know she wasn't on the team for very long, and that the current one, like, isn't even the same _person_ , but I figured it'd just have to do."

"So..." Kon said, balancing awkwardly on the red stiletto-heeled boots and flipping the long red cape back over his shoulders. Gar's disbelieving eyes panned up from the boots to knobby knees, a length of hairy thigh, a mini-skirt about the width of a bandage, an (admittedly) enviable six-pack, and finally a midriff-baring shirt emblazoned with a familiar S-shield. "What do you think?"

"Oh god, my _eyes_ ," Vic muttered. "Don't take this the wrong way, babe, but I think I just spontaneously lost all my gay."

Gar tried and failed to stop laughing. "At least... he doesn't have... a hairy belly!" he wheezed.

"Okay, we're ready!" Cassie called, leading a red-and-green clad Raven through the archway that led to the private quarters. "Tell Raven that she looks awesome as Robin, because she _totally_ does. Hey, what's everyone staring at?" She caught sight of Kon and shrieked, covering her mouth in horror.

Kon winced. Raven looked mildly curious. Tim folded his arms again, looking determinedly neutral. There was an awkward silence.

"I don't get what the problem is," Bart said. "I think he looks totally sexy like that."

The team stared at him. Bart looked confused. "What? _I'd_ do him."

Later, after Cassie dragged a sheepish Kon off by his ear, Tim slipped away with a still-confused Bart chattering at him, and Mia and Raven wandered off to finish Mia's makeup, Gar collapsed onto Vic's lap, still shaking with poorly-suppressed laughter.

"So, green genes... still glad that I talked you into giving the Titans another go?" Vic asked, scritching Gar under the chin.

Gar captured Vic's hand and kissed his knuckles, smiling up at him mischievously. "You better believe it, rust-bucket. I wouldn't have missed this for the world."


End file.
